The Two of Us Before All of Us

Somewhere between raising children, building careers, paying bills, and meeting the endless demands of family life, couples can slowly lose sight of the relationship that brought them together in the first place. Conversations become centered on responsibilities, quality time gives way to competing priorities, and the simple joys of friendship and companionship can gradually take a back seat.

Often, it is not that couples stop loving each other. Rather, in the pursuit of providing for and nurturing everyone else, they forget to nurture the bond between themselves.

Yet, at the heart of a thriving family is a relationship that also needs attention, care and renewal. Before the children, the responsibilities and the many roles that come with family life, there were two people who chose each other. That relationship deserves to be continually rediscovered and strengthened.

It was against this backdrop that 23 couples gathered at Ridge Cabin Hotel in Tigoni on Saturday, 3 October, for Escape With Me, a couples’ retreat themed “The Two of Us Before All of Us.” The retreat offered a rare opportunity to step away from everyday routines, reconnect as partners and reflect on what it takes to build and sustain a fulfilling marriage.

Set against the scenic, tranquil surroundings of Tigoni, the retreat provided a welcome change of pace. The couples began their morning enjoying tea in the garden, taking in the refreshing views and warm sunshine. The relaxed atmosphere set the tone for a day devoted not to work, children or household responsibilities, but to each other. Inside the retreat venue, thoughtful personal touches, including fresh flowers and photographs of each couple, reinforced a simple but meaningful message: for this one day, their relationship was the priority.

Rediscovering What Makes Each Relationship Unique

One of the central lessons of the retreat was that no two marriages are alike. Each relationship is shaped by the personalities, experiences, values and everyday choices of the two people within it.

Guided by Mr. and Mrs. Mundia, the couples explored two key themes: The DNA of Relationships and The Seven Principles of Marriage. Through carefully curated questions, partners were encouraged to engage in honest, sometimes difficult conversations about their relationships. These were the kinds of conversations that can easily be postponed amid the pressures of everyday life. What is working well in our marriage? Where have we grown apart? How can we better understand and support each other?

The couples first reflected privately before coming together to share perspectives and learn from one another’s experiences. This created an opportunity not only for personal reflection but also for recognising that, while every marriage is unique, many couples navigate similar challenges. One couple offered a particularly insightful interpretation of the DNA of Relationships. Drawing a parallel with biological DNA, which carries the characteristics that make each person unique, they observed that every marriage has its own distinctive qualities. Just as no two individuals have identical experiences and characteristics, no two marriages follow exactly the same journey. Their reflection carried an important lesson: couples should resist the temptation to compare their relationship with others.

Every marriage has its own strengths, challenges and opportunities for growth. What matters is understanding and nurturing the unique bond that two people share, rather than measuring it against someone else’s experience.

Friendship: The Foundation That Holds a Marriage Together

If there was one lesson that stood out from the conversations on sustaining a marriage, it was the importance of friendship.

Drawing from their own 24 years of marriage, Mr and Mrs Mundia emphasised that beyond the roles and responsibilities of being husband and wife, couples must never lose sight of the friendship that brought them together. Their message was both simple and profound: before becoming life partners, couples must remain friends. Friendship creates room for trust, laughter, companionship and mutual support. It allows couples to enjoy each other’s company beyond the obligations of parenthood and home management. More importantly, it provides a foundation to lean on during difficult seasons in marriage.

This reflection brought the retreat’s central theme into sharper focus. In the quest to become good parents, providers and caregivers, couples can unintentionally neglect their identity as friends and partners. The challenge, therefore, is to remain intentional about cultivating friendship: making time for meaningful conversations, sharing experiences, showing appreciation and finding joy in one another’s company.

Love Begins With Personal Growth

Another important dimension of the retreat emerged during a session on Married Love, facilitated by Fr. Bernard Nderito.

His reflection invited participants to consider an often-overlooked aspect of marriage: the relationship one has with oneself. He challenged the couples to look inward, recognise their individual strengths and shortcomings, and embrace personal growth as an essential part of building a healthy marriage. He emphasized the importance of self-awareness and personal responsibility. A fulfilling marriage is not simply about what one expects from a spouse, but also about what each partner brings into the relationship. Drawing on 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Fr. Bernard reminded participants that love is patient, kind, and enduring. These qualities must go beyond words and be reflected in everyday actions because lasting love is not sustained by feelings alone, but by the daily choices couples make to extend patience, kindness, forgiveness and understanding to each other.

Finding Joy in the Little Moments

While the retreat created space for deep reflection and meaningful conversations, it also reminded couples of something equally important: marriage should have room for fun. Interactive activities brought moments of laughter, playfulness and friendly competition, allowing participants to connect in a more relaxed way.

In one activity, couples were challenged to dance together while standing on a sheet of newspaper that became progressively smaller. As the space shrank, partners had to find creative ways to maintain their balance without stepping outside the paper. What began as a light-hearted game became a practical illustration of teamwork, adaptability and the importance of supporting each other through changing circumstances.

Another activity, in which couples identified which partner best matched different descriptions, playfully tested how well they knew each other. The responses sparked laughter while encouraging participants to reflect on their understanding of one another.

Beyond the entertainment, these activities carried lessons that echoed the day’s discussions. Marriage requires cooperation, flexibility and a willingness to face challenges together. It also thrives on humour, shared experiences and the ability to find happiness in simple moments.

Making Room for the Two of Us

As the retreat drew to a close, the message of Escape With Me was clear: strong marriages do not happen by chance. They require deliberate effort, continuous learning and a shared commitment to growing together.

For the 23 couples, the day offered more than an escape from routine. It created space to rediscover one another, engage in conversations that often go unspoken and reflect on the habits that can strengthen their relationships.

The lessons were both practical and deeply personal: celebrate what makes your relationship unique, nurture the friendship at its core, take responsibility for personal growth and never underestimate the power of shared laughter and quality time.

But perhaps the most important lesson was that couples do not have to wait for a retreat or a special occasion to reconnect. The opportunity to strengthen a marriage exists in everyday moments: an uninterrupted conversation, a thoughtful gesture, a shared laugh or simply choosing to spend time together.

Family life will always come with competing demands. Children will need attention, careers will require commitment, and responsibilities will continue to grow. Yet, amid it all, the relationship between husband and wife must not become an afterthought.

When all is said and done, the invitation to every couple is simple: Make time for each other, not only when everything else has been taken care of, but also as an essential part of caring for your family.

Because before there was all of us, there was the two of us. And nurturing that bond is one of the most meaningful investments a couple can make in their family’s future.

Article by Program for Family Development Communications Team