De-esclating conflict: Building Harmonious Work Relationships

Conflict is inevitable in the workplace. Differences in opinions, work styles and personalities can often lead to disagreements. Learning how to manage conflict successfully is critical to professional success. Misunderstandings can often arise when the parties involved do not take the time to understand each other. If not addressed, conflict can lead to serious problems. Learning to descale conflict is an important skill that a leader or aspiring leader must prioritize. Conflict should not be feared, and when it does happen, it can be used as an opportunity to build better relationships and promote open communication.

Recognize the signs early

Sweeping issues under the proverbial ‘rug,’ can often happen when people do not know how to communicate. It is tempting to shy away from conflict and hope that it disappears. However, leaving unresolved tensions to simmer can lead to resentment building up. At some point, this tension will come to a boiling point, and it will be much worse that seeking to resolve it earlier on. Practice open communication and try to create a calm atmosphere where people feel safe to air their views. Fear of retaliation and judgement can often cause people to bottle up their feelings.

Employees can become passive-aggressive when they are unable to express their feelings and views. Oftentimes, these people resort to passing sarcastic remarks or trying to quietly undermine the target of their frustration. I teach classes in Leadership Communication at Strathmore University Business School to new and middle managers. Dealing with conflict is usually a ‘hot’ topic that people like to discuss in class. When leaders let passive-aggressive people or aggressive people undermine them because they lack the skills and confidence to confront the behaviour head-on, over-time they lose respect and team productivity plummets. When a team member or direct report displays this kind of behaviour recognize it as an early warning sign and address it.

Calmly focus on the issue at hand

The first step in any conflict is to stay calm. Emotions can run high during disagreements, and it is easy to become reactive, especially if you feel frustrated or misunderstood. However, reacting impulsively or angrily can escalate the situation and create more tension. Pause and try to compose your thoughts before responding. If you feel too emotional to engage wait until you are in a better headspace. Taking a ‘time out’ can often calm emotions and bring more clarity to difficult situations.

During disagreements, it is easy to fall into the trap of personal attacks or blaming the other person. Focus on the issue and not on the person you are engaging with. Instead of focusing on what your colleague may have done wrong, keep the conversation centered on the issue itself. Accusatory language will only make the situation worse and may cause defensiveness.

As a manager, it is important to remain neutral throughout the conflict resolution process. Avoid showing favouritism or taking sides. Remember to keep your face neutral and adjust your body language and tone of voice. Your role is to facilitate a solution, not to influence the outcome. If you react emotionally or aggressively, it could escalate the conflict rather than resolving it.

Actively listen

One of the most effective ways to de-escalate conflict is to show that you hear and understand the other person’s perspective. Often, people just want to feel heard. By actively listening and empathizing with your colleague, you create a space where both of you can express your concerns without judgment.

Do not listen to respond, seek to understand. Learn to look at things from other perspectives. Once the source of the conflict has been identified, listen to everyone involved. Effective conflict resolution does not take sides; it focuses on understanding all perspectives. Encourage active listening, where each person feels heard without interruption. This approach fosters mutual respect and ensures that no one’s viewpoint is overlooked. Using open-ended questions can encourage people to air their views. Focus on active listening: make eye contact, nod to show engagement, and refrain from interrupting. Paraphrase what your colleague says to confirm that you have understood.

Identify the underlying issue/s

Being able to get to the root cause of an issue is an important leadership skill. Miscommunication, lack of clarity, personal issues and so on, are all issues that can be addressed when they are brought to light. Asking, ‘why’ in succession will allow people to go deeper into an issue and identify the root of the problem. Remember we do not all view or interpret a situation in the same way.

Collaborate on finding solutions

Collaboratively working on solutions promotes an atmosphere of shared understanding and teamwork. When both sides can find a ‘win-win’ solution, they are more likely to be satisfied and build a better relationship. Once the root cause is identified, encourage the involved parties to collaborate on a solution. Rather than imposing a solution, ask them to brainstorm ways to resolve the conflict together.

Seek Mediation if necessary

There may be times when conflicts with colleagues cannot be resolved by the parties involved on their own, especially if emotions remain high or the issue is particularly complex. Rather than remaining in a state of frustration, it may be helpful for them to involve a neutral third party, to mediate the conversation. A mediator can help ensure that both sides feel heard and guide the conversation toward a fair resolution.

Harmonious workplace relationships not only promote productivity but also improve job satisfaction and career fulfillment. We spend forty or more hours every week working. When those hours are full of tension and discord, we can become demotivated and depressed. Learning to manage conflict is an important skill to invest in. At the end of the day, everyone wants to feel understood and that their contribution is valued. Clearing up misunderstandings and actively seeking to manage conflict effectively in its early stages can go along way towards building better relationships. Embrace humility and curiosity, seek to understand the other person’s point of view, practice empathy and open communication and build lasting, positive relationships.

Article by Shailja Sharma, SBS Faculty Member and Leadership and Career Coach