Friendly Fire: Handling Competitive Coworkers with Grace

“Competition whose motive is merely to compete, to drive some other fellow out, never carries very far. The competitor to be feared is one who never bothers about you at all, but goes on making his own business better all the time.” — Henry Ford

Competition in the workplace is a given, however, it can either become a catalyst for personal growth or a source of stress and conflict. Understanding the psychology of envy is important, especially if you find yourself at the receiving end of some of its negative consequences. In my coaching practice, I have found that interpersonal conflict with colleagues can have devastating impacts on quality of life. Helping clients to unpack complex emotions and navigate these troubled waters, made me realize that many people feel stuck and disempowered at work.

When you find yourself in tough situations that disrupt your peace of mind and take all the joy out of your working life, you need to equip yourself with tools to handle these situations with grace. If left unmanaged, conflicts can escalate, and frustration can build to the point where you may even quit your job. The popular saying is very apt in this situation, ‘people leave people not companies.’

Unhealthy competition in the workplace—marked by sabotage, backstabbing, gossip, or credit-stealing—can test your patience and professionalism. It is a difficult topic to discuss, and many people shy away from confronting it or opening up about it if they are experiencing it. Bottling up emotions can lead to illness and trying to ignore these negative behaviours will not lead to a solution and may even lead to a nasty public meltdown.

Press Pause

The sacred pause is an important tool in your arsenal. It is easy to be pulled into toxic dynamics, especially when your own performance or reputation feels threatened. However, choosing to stay on the high road is not a sign of weakness—it is a powerful decision that protects your integrity, builds long-term credibility, and reflects emotional intelligence. When you pause after you have been triggered, you create space to respond intentionally. It also allows your emotions to calm down, so they do not overpower your intelligence. You can then respond in a manner that aligns with your values. Your values should dictate how you respond. When you stay grounded in your values and model your behaviour to align with these values, you are taking back your power. You are consciously crafting your response which will reflect your character. Staying authentic to who you are, will build your self-esteem and self-respect.

In the workplace, people are constantly watching you. If you are a Leader, it is even more imperative that you model the right behaviour. There are many breathing techniques that can also help you manage your emotions when you are triggered, such as box breathing which is used by the Navy Seals, 4-7-8 and Diaphragmatic breathing. One meltdown or explosion can have consequences that last for a very long time.

Seek Support

Facing toxic competition alone can be very isolating and overwhelming. Seek out mentors, supervisors or trusted colleagues that can offer perspective, advice or even advocacy if needed. Ensure you seek out people with similar values. Talk therapy helps to release emotions and process your thoughts. If you still find it difficult to handle the situation, work with a Coach that can help you unpack these issues. Additionally, if the situation is affecting your mental health, working with a trained therapist can also be invaluable.

Take the high road

No matter how others behave, your behaviour should reflect your integrity and principles. Integrity builds trust with your peers, leaders, and clients—something that unethical competitors cannot replicate. Some things may not be worth a response such as pettiness. Choosing dignity over drama can also help you keep your peace of mind. There are battles in life that are not worth fighting. Retaliation may only rob you of your joy, peace and dignity.

Face issues head-on

On the other hand, there are times when you cannot let negative behaviours slide. Some people are so afraid of conflict, they are prepared to put up with constant mistreatment to avoid it. Remember, that standing up for yourself and being assertive while calmly trying to resolve issues is important for your own self-respect and respect from others.

Approach the matter in a calm not confrontational manner, with the mindset that you are trying to protect your space and standards, and understand the other person’s point of view. Prepare in advance by asking yourself some important question: what specific behaviours are bothering you? Are they consistent, intentional or isolated incidents? How is their behaviour affecting your work, well-being and team dynamic? Try to remain objective and avoid prematurely labelling them. Question any assumptions you may have. If you manage to ‘clear the air’ in the right way, you may be able to defuse the matter and improve your relationship with the person.

Stay Focused on Your Goals

I am a big proponent of having a personal development plan. I teach this subject in my undergraduate classes and encourage my clients to draft them. These are ‘living’ documents that evolve as you continuously seek to become a better version of yourself. Do not let the naysayers, envious people and competitors distract you from your goals. Workplace politics will fade into background noise when you keep your focus. Your greatest competitor should be the person you were yesterday.

Keep a record of your Work and Contributions

When you keep a record of your work and contributions, it will help you tick off milestones in your personal development plan and keep you motivated. You can look back over your accomplishments and celebrate yourself.

Additionally, it is important to know your worth and the value you bring to an organization. Key decision makers may not be aware of your accomplishments and keeping a track record can help you during important discussions. When dealing with competitive coworkers who may try to take credit for your work or misrepresent facts, documentation becomes your safeguard.

There are times when you are the problem, as jealousy may have set in. If you find yourself sliding into negative behaviours like trying to undermine or stealthily get rid of a competitor, stop. Shift your mindset, rather than seeing coworkers as threats, view them as benchmarks or sources of inspiration. Healthy competition can push you to improve your performance, sharpen your skills, and stay focused on your goals. A growth mindset helps you learn from others’ strengths rather than feel intimidated by them. When you become jealous of another person, it is a wakeup call, you have stopped seeing the tremendous potential and value you embody.

Article by Shailja Sharma, SBS Faculty Member and Leadership and Career Coach